This is going to be short, I feel like I have to get away, get by myself, get outside and look up into the sky, scream, cry, dance.... maybe all of the above. There have been moments in my Christian life where I sort of had a feeling that I was supposed to do something. I have prayed for and watched for a sign, a clue, anything really to confirm what God wanted from me, if anything- I mean I really don't feel like I have much to offer an all knowing, all powerful God. I have been having moments like this for the last couple of years, without response from Him.
I started reading a book today that was suggested to me by my father. Heaven Is For Real is the account of a young boy <starting at age 3> who visits heaven after his appendix ruptures. (The book absolutely blew my mind. I couldn't put it down and read the entire thing in 2 hours.) I get to page 106 and right there on that page, written about 12 months earlier and lived out 7 years earlier is a message that God intended just for me. I am a worship leader, struggling with being a worship leader, and who has found a spark of passion for children's ministry and not finding enough hours in the week to do both effectively. I remember getting to page 106 and posting to facebook "
An hour later I am still sort of mulling over page 106, even though I have completed the book. I sit at my desk and stare at the ever growing pile of papers, books, pencils, broken pens,.... you get the idea I am not the organized type, that is cluttering every empty space and decide to straighten up a little, which to me means put things into a pile so I have room to set my glass of Mountain Dew. I see the corner of a book that I had bought at a women's conference the month before called The Greatest Words Ever Spoken which is everything in the Bible that Jesus said, about you, your life and everything else. I thought to myself, Ok God, if you want to tell me something, let me see it.
I pick up the book, which is open and covered in about 40 random pieces of paper. I decide to close it and then do the open it to whatever page it falls to and that is magically the page God wants me to see approach, but the book doesn't close, I straighten the dust jacket thinking it is too tight but still it won't close. I turn it in my hands and open it to find what the problem is. There is a small pamphlet tucked into the book, which had come in a box with my new phone. I look down and the first thing I see, in this book all about what Jesus has to say to me, Matthew 18: 10 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. 12 “What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? 13 And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. 14 In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.
I sit open mouthed, tears welling in my eyes and just stare at it. God may not have spoken words that I heard with my ears, honestly I may have a coronary if that ever happens, but He spoke to me today. I do not believe in coincidence, and I didn't open that book about a little boy going to heaven this morning thinking that I would have Gods plan for me laid out before my eyes. Wow, it's all I can say. Isn't He amazing.
Maybe you are struggling, maybe you aren't sure what to believe, you feel like you keep praying and asking God to show Himself to you. I have been there, that has been my prayer for 3 years, Lord please just be real to me. Don't you give up. Keep believing. He has something to say to you.
I started reading a book today that was suggested to me by my father. Heaven Is For Real is the account of a young boy <starting at age 3> who visits heaven after his appendix ruptures. (The book absolutely blew my mind. I couldn't put it down and read the entire thing in 2 hours.) I get to page 106 and right there on that page, written about 12 months earlier and lived out 7 years earlier is a message that God intended just for me. I am a worship leader, struggling with being a worship leader, and who has found a spark of passion for children's ministry and not finding enough hours in the week to do both effectively. I remember getting to page 106 and posting to facebook "
An hour later I am still sort of mulling over page 106, even though I have completed the book. I sit at my desk and stare at the ever growing pile of papers, books, pencils, broken pens,.... you get the idea I am not the organized type, that is cluttering every empty space and decide to straighten up a little, which to me means put things into a pile so I have room to set my glass of Mountain Dew. I see the corner of a book that I had bought at a women's conference the month before called The Greatest Words Ever Spoken which is everything in the Bible that Jesus said, about you, your life and everything else. I thought to myself, Ok God, if you want to tell me something, let me see it.
I pick up the book, which is open and covered in about 40 random pieces of paper. I decide to close it and then do the open it to whatever page it falls to and that is magically the page God wants me to see approach, but the book doesn't close, I straighten the dust jacket thinking it is too tight but still it won't close. I turn it in my hands and open it to find what the problem is. There is a small pamphlet tucked into the book, which had come in a box with my new phone. I look down and the first thing I see, in this book all about what Jesus has to say to me, Matthew 18: 10 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. 12 “What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? 13 And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. 14 In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.
I sit open mouthed, tears welling in my eyes and just stare at it. God may not have spoken words that I heard with my ears, honestly I may have a coronary if that ever happens, but He spoke to me today. I do not believe in coincidence, and I didn't open that book about a little boy going to heaven this morning thinking that I would have Gods plan for me laid out before my eyes. Wow, it's all I can say. Isn't He amazing.
Maybe you are struggling, maybe you aren't sure what to believe, you feel like you keep praying and asking God to show Himself to you. I have been there, that has been my prayer for 3 years, Lord please just be real to me. Don't you give up. Keep believing. He has something to say to you.